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Post by ignoblebard on Jun 6, 2008 17:27:38 GMT -6
With the dangling worm she'd have fainted as soon as it touched her. And mantises are creepy, but for sheer all out terror nothing beats a spider. I loved the description of it getting closer and closer... Very Hitchcockian in its suspense. ;D
Try is the operative word there. ;D We actually did try it - once. We were using these long metal pipes that we found and we were wearing shorts. Well, we both have this genetic hand/eye coordination problem (can't walk and chew gum at the same time) and the "lance" slipped and I cut his leg with a ragged edge and he came within an inch of putting my eye out. So that was the end of that adventure. He still has the scar and he still likes bringing up how I tried to kill him. Like that's the worst thing I ever did to him. Phffft!
Donkeys might have been funny. I like the catapult much better though, it just sounds like the kind of thing that ought to work.
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Post by oshun on Jun 6, 2008 18:33:22 GMT -6
My son-in-law freaked out over a mouse caught on a sticky trap last week. I had to dispose of it. At his house!! Maybe they should call me "the Valiant."
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Post by oshun on Jun 7, 2008 20:22:08 GMT -6
I went for broke: Cute little elfling and rude and callow youth. Oops, canon question? Is it too early for Melkor to be free and running around? If it is, I have to find another name for that spot. (This would be when Celegrom and Fingon are 35 or so, Time of the Trees maybe 1245 or around then. I shoved Carnistir down in age a tad as well by my usual calculations; but there is no exact date for him so that doesn't matter.)
Findekáno the Valiant
Findekáno knew it was a bad idea. But it was hot and he was bored. He followed Tyelkormo into his aunt and uncle’s bedroom. Carnistir tagged along behind. Fëanáro’s desk stood in front of the wide windows, much neater than the one in his office next to the forge. Only a few rolled scrolls and a small, stoppered glass vial were visible on its surface.
"Here it is." Tyelkormo picked up the vial filled with clear liquid and held it up triumphantly. “It’ll burn through anything. Barely leaves a trace.”
“What is it?” Carnistir asked, his mouth dropping open in what Findekáno thought of as his typical expression of stupefied innocence.
“Don’t crowd me like that. It’s caustic,” Tyelkormo said.
“What’s caustic?”
Findekáno ruffled Carnistir's hair. “Never mind. He means it will sting really badly if any of it touches your skin.”
Maitimo appeared in the doorway, a book under one arm and his perfect eyebrows lifted in suspicion. “What are all of you doing in here? He’ll kill you if you mess up anything on his desk.”
“Don’t worry. He showed me this stuff yesterday. It can make a sheet of parchment dissolve in an instant. Burns wood too, a lot slower. Really impressive.” Tyelkormo smirked. “I know exactly what I’m doing.”
“Oh, yeah. I just bet you do. Put it down and get out of there. I have to leave now.”
After Maitimo left, Tyelkormo screwed up his face into a pinched grimace and said in a mincing, scolding tone, “Put it down and get out of there.” He did put the vial down, however.
Then Carnistir pointed to a rolled-up scroll on the desk, “Oh, look. That’s Aulë’s seal. I know what Aulë’s seal looks like.”
“Leave it alone,” Findekáno warned.
“Whoa,” said Tyelkormo. “I better look at that. The seal’s already been broken. He’ll never know. He threatened last week to send me to study with Aulë if I didn’t start applying myself.”
“Could be worse,” Findekáno said, cackling. “He should send you to study with Rúmil. That I would love to see. ‘A, duh, what’s a sarat, sir?’ or, more likely, ‘Why should I learn this stupid crap. My atto made a better set.’ Heh. How about: ‘Oh, look, there’s a bird. Is it time to eat yet?’”
Tyelkormo grabbed Findekáno in a neck hold and pinned him against the desk, cackling madly. “Say ‘uncle,’ you skinny freak.”
“How can I say anything when you are crushing my windpipe?” Findekáno said, appalled at the squeak in his voice.
“Well, you’re talking now, aren’t you? Nothing can keep your ugly mug shut. He-he-he!” Tyelkormo whinnied. “Say ‘uncle.’” He let go of Findekáno’s neck and started tickling him. “Say ‘uncle.’”
“Hey, no fair. That’s dirty fighting.”
“Oh, no. Not dirty. Clever. Dirty is the way you look at my oldest brother. Ewww! Say ‘uncle,’ freak.”
In his peripheral vision, Findekáno saw Carnistir reach for the vial of fluid. “Stop. Uncle.”
“Sissy!” Tyelkormo crowed, knocking into Carnistir, causing the boy to drop the vial, which splintered into a thousand pieces.
“Ow-ow-ouch! Amil! Atto! Atto!” Carnistir shrieked, shaking his hand wildly.
“Shut up, Carnistir,” Tyelkormo said, picking up his sniffling brother. “It’s not even a drop. Spit on it.” A thin tendril of bluish smoke floated upwards from the desk.
“You spit on it. You spit on it for me,” Carnistir screamed. Tyelkormo drooled on Carnistir's hand.
“Shit. You’re dead now,” Findekáno said. Fëanáro wouldn’t send Tyelkormo to Aulë, or even Rúmil, more likely to the Halls of Mandos, he thought.
“What’s going on in here?” Fëanáro burst into the room. He immediately lifted Carnistir and held him to his chest, examining the wounded hand. “It’ll be all right, little one. What did your brother do to you this time?”
Apparently, Tyelkormo’s saliva had helped. Carnistir’s shrieks had turned to sobs.
“The cussic stuff got on me. It was an accident.”
“Bloody buggering Aratar, Turkafinwë! Aulë’s notes.” Little more than a black stain remained on the desk where the scroll from Aulë had rested. “He sent me pages of comments on a theory I mentioned to him and I barely had a chance to glance at them yet.”
Tyelkormo withered. It could be a very long summer. Findekáno thought for a moment. Fëanáro had a soft spot for him and was far less invested in how he turned out.
“I am so sorry, Uncle. It was an accident. I needed a pencil and I popped in here to take one from your desk.” Findekáno cleared his throat and sighed. “I don’t know . . . Maybe we could write Aulë and I could offer to re-copy his notes for you?”
“He should send us his original notes so that Turkafinwë could burn them again or use them to wipe his arse?” Fëanáro snarled, before lowering his voice. “I know you are lying. Findekáno. But I appreciate valor and loyalty to one’s friends.” He turned and walked out with Carnistir snuggled up against his neck. “Come on, little man, let’s go fix your burn.”
As soon as Fëanáro was out of hearing range, Tyelkormo started up again, grinning and slapping him on the back. “Oh-oh. Findekáno the Valiant! Hey, seriously, nice work, freak. What do you want? You name it. Want that sling shot I made yesterday, Findekáno the Valiant?”
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Post by Darth Fingon on Jun 7, 2008 23:26:06 GMT -6
I went for broke: Cute little elfling and rude and callow youth. Oops, canon question? Is it too early for Melkor to be free and running around? If it is, I have to find another name for that spot. (This would be when Celegrom and Fingon are 35 or so, Time of the Trees maybe 1245 or around then. I shoved Carnistir down in age a tad as well by my usual calculations; but there is no exact date for him so that doesn't matter.) Alas, Melkor wasn't released until 1400. However, your story would have to be set some time after 1245. In 1245, Fingolfin was only 55, so he couldn't have a 35-year-old son. (According to AnAm 81 at least.) I've always estimated Fingon's birth year as around 1270. The mental image this line provides is fully ridiculous. I approve! Very nice story. Now we know full well why there isn't a Celegorm the Valiant.
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Post by oshun on Jun 7, 2008 23:32:32 GMT -6
Alas, Melkor wasn't released until 1400. However, your story would have to be set some time after 1245. In 1245, Fingolfin was only 55, so he couldn't have a 35-year-old son. (According to AnAm 81 at least.) I've always estimated Fingon's birth year as around 1270.
Never mind! I have his birth date on my chart as 1270 also! I don't know WTF I did to come up with that date of 1245. Well, then I guess I have to replace Melkor with another slimy, creepy Valar. I'll have to think on who might fit nicely.
I glad you like the story in general. The drool line was actually added late.
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Post by ignoblebard on Jun 8, 2008 12:24:27 GMT -6
I would have commented already but I wasn't sure if you'd finished playing with it yet. (wait, that doesn't sound good, lol) Anyway, this is great. I love the "skinny freak" line. Poor Kano never catches a break from his cousins. lol
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Post by oshun on Jun 8, 2008 12:28:09 GMT -6
I would have commented already but I wasn't sure if you'd finished playing with it yet. (wait, that doesn't sound good, lol) Anyway, this is great. I love the "skinny freak" line. Poor Kano never catches a break from his cousins. lol I'm still catching missing two-letter words and incorrect comma use, but other than that I'm done. Thanks so much again for reading the first draft and egging me on. I'm so glad you liked it.
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Post by Darth Fingon on Jun 8, 2008 15:33:32 GMT -6
I guess I have to replace Melkor with another slimy, creepy Valar. I'll have to think on who might fit nicely. Lorien? He always seemed a bit off to me.
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Post by oshun on Jun 8, 2008 16:18:01 GMT -6
I guess I have to replace Melkor with another slimy, creepy Valar. I'll have to think on who might fit nicely. Lorien? He always seemed a bit off to me. Oh, yes, definitely creepy and slimy to me. But I'm hyper-sensitive.
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