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Post by oshun on Apr 19, 2008 11:20:34 GMT -6
And someday soon you'll be doing the same for baby Fingon. Especially when they have a note excusing them from dressing out for gym. ;D Straight from the sparkling waters of the Bruinen. (horse heads not included) Oh, I did steal it from the books. Whenever the characters are speaking "Elvish" this is the kind of thing they are really saying. Baby Fingon's on his own! I learned my lesson with the Avari's offspring. No more mothering of grandchildren. (Of course, Baby Fingon is brilliant and all the best schools will be clamoring for him! He said "Un-uh" yesterday and shook his head no!)
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Post by jael on Apr 19, 2008 16:08:02 GMT -6
ROFLMAO! Too priceless!
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 20, 2008 0:48:50 GMT -6
Glad you liked that, Jael. *grin*
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Post by Moreth on May 16, 2008 11:50:47 GMT -6
Bah - it's Friday and no BadFic for my amusement? Well, since I made Morgeth made a horrible randomised plot generator the other week, have this to inspire you! (Anyone who remembers The Hobbit and similar as a computer game will recognise the inspiration diabolical piss-take.) ---------------------------------------- >>> Writing(6) Protagonist One: Turin Protagonist Two: Eol Chapter 1: Turin is in a house. Turin is arguing. Eol is in a battle. Eol is sad. (Typical, two emo guys. Never happy unless they're miserable!)Chapter 2: Turin is in Gondolin. Turin is dancing. Eol is in Nargothrond. Eol is fighting. (Double take: Turin can dance? Ah, no - seems he can't! Eol is in trouble again... *sigh*)Chapter 3: Turin is in Gondolin. Turin is forging weapons. Eol is in Doriath. Eol is weaving. (Eol!?! Get a grip, man - I know it's equal opportunity and all that, but isn't weaving a bit... ummm - well... [fade to black!])Chapter 4: Turin is in a forest. Turin is sad. Eol is in Gondolin. Eol is happy. (Bah - Turin is just not gonna be happy, no matter what! But... Yay! Happy Eol How cute is that?)Chapter 5: ANGST!!! Nooooo... Eol can't be dead! /Sob ( What? Noooooo!)Chapter 6: Turin is in Nevrast. Turin is dancing. Eol is dead. (Turin, you bastard! How can you dance when Eol is dead? *Sniff!*)-------------------------------------- Right! All I need to do is intergrate that with Darth's fic generator, and I need never write again
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Post by oshun on May 16, 2008 17:03:18 GMT -6
Someone told me I really had to write a badfic based upon something we were discussing, but that was three or four days ago at least and I can't remember what it was. (If whoever it was remembers what the suggestion was, I might try it.)
Moreth, yours look like a novel. It is far too complicated for me to use as a template.
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Post by Moreth on May 17, 2008 13:01:10 GMT -6
It will do shorter ones, but wierdly enough everyone ends up dead very fast! *Sigh* - I should do LoTR parameters instead... "Intergrate" ? - I should be taken out and shot for that typo!
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Post by I Aint Got No Body on May 30, 2008 23:24:36 GMT -6
Namo looked at the Elf standing in front of him and sighed in resignation.
“Again? What was it this time?”
“Tried to swim against an undertow.”
“Dammit, Glorfindel! I’ve never seen an elf so accident prone. Oh, all right, you know the drill.”
Glorfindel’s fea made its way to the body chamber and stepped in. Lights flashed, buzzers sounded, the door hissed open, and Glorfindel, in a fog of dry ice, walked out in his brand new body.
“Looks good,” Namo observed, “if I do say so myself. And I do.”
“I don’t know,” Glorfindel said, shifting from foot to foot and hiking up his hips. “It’s a little tight in the crotch.”
“It’ll stretch out, give it a few months,” Namo said.
“All right then. Bye.”
“Yep, off you go.”
*two months later*
Namo was sipping his tea when Glorfindel’s fea appeared before him. Namo jumped like a scalded cat and tea flew everywhere.
“Glorfindel! What in the name of Manwe’s shiny knob…?”
“Horse threw me,” Glorfindel said shortly.
“Off to the chamber with you,” Namo said, shaking his head.
Glorfindel wandered back in naked. “Mind if I have join you?” he said, approaching a chair.
Namo tossed the tea towel under him just before his butt hit the naugahyde. “This is getting to be quite the habit with you, Glorfindel,” he said, pouring him a cup of tea. “You’ve got to be more careful.”
“I do try, but something always seems to happen.”
After the tea and a couple of cucumber sandwiches, he left.
*two months later*
Namo was flossing his teeth when he saw Glorfindel’s fea in the mirror behind him. He dropped the floss and gasped causing one end of the string to go down his throat. He had a minor coughing fit and tears were streaming from his eyes as he shouted, “Glorfindel!” “Slipped on the soap,” Glorfindel’s fea shrugged.
“You do this one more time and I’m putting you in a Troll!” Namo groused.
“This isn’t fun for me either,” Glorfindel said crossly.
“No, I guess not. Just get in the chamber already.”
Glorfindel came out looking boffo. Namo almost drooled at the sight of him.
“My best work ever,” Namo beamed, turning Glorfindel around and looking him over. He took a lint brush and ran it over Glorfindel’s butt to remove a couple of wayward hairs. “You have *got* to take care of this, I’ll never make one better.”
“You know, I’m thinking maybe a change of scene. A trip to Middle Earth or something.”
“Out of the question!” Namo said firmly. “No dangerous sea voyages for you.”
“All right, I’ll just go to the hunt this weekend.”
“No better rider than you are? Not on your newly minted behind.”
“Well, I’ll just hit the shower and be on my way then.”
“You’re here because you slipped on the soap. You are forbidden to shower ever again.”
“Then what *can* I do?” Glorfindel was exasperated.
“There is one safe activity,” Namo said with a grin.
They were right in the middle of making love when Vaire’s tapestry of Glorfindel slaying the Balrog fell on them. Namo struggled out from under the heavy cloth but by the time he pulled Glorfindel out the Elf had suffocated.
Glorfindel’s fea floated next to Namo’s shoulder, looking down sadly at his beautiful lifeless body.
“That was a really nice one too,” he sighed.
“Yeah, I’m gonna miss that one,” Namo said, stroking the golden hair.
“To the chamber again?”
“No, I have a better idea,” Namo grinned.
He picked up a straw and sucked Glorfindel’s fea into it, then shoved the straw up the body’s nose and blew hard. Glorfindel took a deep breath, then another and finally his eyes fluttered open.
“Whoa!” he said. “That was. . . wild!”
Namo laughed. “I haven’t done that in years. You should have seen the look on Fingon’s face when I did that to him.
“Please, spare me the details,” Glorfindel giggled.
“All right, off with you now,” Namo said good naturedly. “And this time be extra careful!”
“I will,” Glorfindel promised.
*six months later*
Namo was putting the finishing touches on his bonsai tree when he heard a voice behind him.
"Guess who!"
"Noooooooooooo!"
the end
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Post by ignoblebard on May 31, 2008 0:01:13 GMT -6
The above is me. It's late and I posted as a guest by mistake.
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Post by crowdaughter on May 31, 2008 4:30:34 GMT -6
The above is me. It's late and I posted as a guest by mistake. Edited, because I was being stupid. Anyway, I really loved this little story! Glorfindel is giving the idiom of the revolving door a run for the money, here. Nice idea!
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Post by lenine on May 31, 2008 11:03:24 GMT -6
"What in the name of Manwe’s shiny knob…?"
This fic was awesum, plz rite moar, etc. I especially liked the Star Trek style body chamber, and the straw up the nose. A fabulous Badfic Friday fic!
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Post by ignoblebard on May 31, 2008 15:17:01 GMT -6
Thanks Aislynn and Lennie. This has the classic marks of a badfic, it was written very late and I got bored before I finished it. ;D
But I don't know. I think this one cries out for a sequel. lol
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Post by oshun on Jun 1, 2008 22:16:19 GMT -6
First, sorry, but this is not a badfic. This is an awesome fic.
How did I miss it? And I had such a depressing weekend. I really need to read something like this. That is absolutely wonderful. You really had me guessing--for a moment I thought the author was Greywing, but then it got a bit more sexually explicit than is her usual style (also those American quotation marks should have given it away).
Best part:
“He picked up a straw and sucked Glorfindel’s fea into it, then shoved the straw up the body’s nose and blew hard. Glorfindel took a deep breath, then another and finally his eyes fluttered open.
"Whoa!” he said. “That was. . . wild!”
Namo laughed. “I haven’t done that in years. You should have seen the look on Fingon’s face when I did that to him.
“Please, spare me the details,” Glorfindel giggled.
I'm really annoyed with you for not telling me you wrote this. I almost missed it entirely. I want to nominate this one for the MEFAs. Post it on the SWG. (I know, I know--I've heard it a 100 times--you'll get pissed off if it gets a First.)
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