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Post by elfscribe on Feb 14, 2009 0:02:41 GMT -6
Happy Birthday, Pandë! Since your birthday coincides with Badslash Friday, I think this calls for something extra-stupid. Damn! So it was Celebrimbor after all. I might have known. Those Feanorians are a bad lot. ;D |
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Post by ignoblebard on Feb 14, 2009 17:54:13 GMT -6
I was wondering if anyone had written Pandemonium a badfic. This is hilarious! Poor Sauron, his rep tarnished forever while big meanie Celebrimbor gets to have all the fun. Oshun is right, you outdid yourself with this one.  |
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 10, 2009 18:00:36 GMT -6
Here's a little double drabble for Oshun's special day.  _______________________________________ “How do I hold it?” Fingon asked. “I don’t want to break it.” “It’s not as fragile as it looks,” Maedhros laughed, “don’t be such a nervous nellie. Just use your thumb and two fingers.” “Like this?” Fingon asked, looking up at Maedhros with his adorable blue eyes. His red-haired lover smiled encouragingly. “Yes, that’s wonderful, just don’t squeeze it.” “Why would you even think I would do such a thing?” Fingon said indignantly. “I don’t want to end up covered with sticky goo.” “It’s never bothered you before,” Maedhros chuckled. Fingon pulled a face and shook his head. “Now what?” “See that hole there, just cover it with your lips and blow. . . gently!” “Like this?” Fingon asked, his full lips caressing the rounded end. “Ah, yes, yes!” Maedhros sighed appreciatively. “Just a little harder and. . . that’s it!” Fingon was too involved in his task to reply. He had a delicate touch that Maedhros could not help but admire. After a few moments, the egg yolk slid neatly into the bowl below. “Excellent, my love. Just a few more and we will color them and make our centerpieces. “Whatever,” Fingon said. “Now let’s go have sex.” |
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Post by nierielraina on Apr 10, 2009 18:25:55 GMT -6
I think this is the first time I have smiled all day. Laughed even. Thank you!
EDIT: Goodness, I forgot to say Happy Birthday Oshun!
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 10, 2009 18:33:03 GMT -6
Oshun asked for a story with a blow job. We aim to please. ;D
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viv
New Sneech 
Posts: 67
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Post by viv on Apr 10, 2009 19:20:31 GMT -6
The last line makes it all come together, dunnit? What a fun read.
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Post by elfscribe on Apr 10, 2009 19:42:06 GMT -6
Here's a little double drabble for Oshun's special day. Who knew that particular activity could contain so many double entendres.  “Whatever,” Fingon said. “Now let’s go have sex.” Good one, Igbee! |
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Post by oshun on Apr 10, 2009 19:55:25 GMT -6
I'll never ask you for a blow job again! And you better forget about asking me for more sex all the time also!
Seriously, that is a perfectly beautiful story. I agree with Elfscribe that the best part, made my heart go pitter-patter, was when Fingon said, "Whatever. Now let's go have sex." That was perfectly in character with my Fingon.
Thank you so much, IgB! You really are too good to me.
You are welcome, NiRi.
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 10, 2009 20:04:04 GMT -6
Thanks Viv. I didn't until I started thinking about it. lol  Now all I need to do is write the scene following this one. lol Glad you liked it, sweetie. I hope you had a great day. |
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Post by aearwen on Apr 10, 2009 20:37:35 GMT -6
Now I'm certain you guys have perverted me. Time was that I wouldn't even look at stuff like this - and now, not only do I read it, but I thoroughly enjoy it. Very nicely done, IgnobleBard! The double-entendres just keep coming... so to speak... don't they? ;D
And Happy Birthday, Oshun!
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 10, 2009 21:02:14 GMT -6
An innocent little Easter story? Why, whatever do you mean? Oh, now who's corrupting who here? *covers eyes and blushes* |
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Post by Darth Fingon on Apr 10, 2009 21:51:42 GMT -6
Happy Birthday, Oshun. I hope you enjoy this. It is probably the best story I've ever written.
Fingon stumbled through the snowy blizzard, using his numb hand to wipe hot tears away form his tear streaked face. he had been walking for hours in the cold and was now hopelessly lost in the cold, and he felt like his hart was about to break at any minute. Yesterday he thought his life coudn't get any worse with the constant beatings and emotional abuse from his bonded mate Maedhros. But when Fingolfin found out he was pregnent with MAedhros's elfling, he threw him out of the castle. Now fingon wandered alone not knowing where he was going. If he kept walking much longer he was going to die in teh blizzard.
Just then he saw a light up ahead! He ran to ward the light and while he ran he thought he could hear singing and music. He burst out of the blizard and into a large wide cave where elfs were having a festival. So releaved to find shelter from the cold he fainted and colapsed into the arms of a tall elf.
"Who is this!" the tall elf demanded but nobody could answer him. The elf then took Fingon to his bedroom and dressed him in warm pyjamas. He could see that Fingon was pregnent and thought this was very strange because Fingon was an ellon but didn't say anything.
When Fingon woke up the next morning the first thing he saw was the tall elf sitting in a chair beside his bead reading a book. "Who are you," fingon asked and the tall elf smiled kindly at him.
"I an Elu Thingol, and you are in my cave." he said.
Fingons eyes went very wide. "OH! I have heard of you. You are the king of Doriath."
"That's right I am!" said Thingol. "But what happened to you and why are you wandering around in the blizzard? You almost died."
"I am prince Fingon," Fingon said, and he looked sadly at Thingol. "As you probably saw I am pregnent... I don't know how it happened. But my father found out and kicked me out of the castle, so I had to run away."
Thingol nodded seriously. "You are lucky you came here, Fingon. Here we are not as cruel as the noldors and I will not throw you out for having an elfling. That is a joyous news."
Fingon was so happy and releved to hear what Thingol said. He decided to stay in Doriath.
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Thingol was married to a queen but they had no children, so they decided to adopt Fingon and take care of him. THey woudl also be good grandparents to the elfling when it was born. That was something that worried Fingon. He was an ellon, and had no idea how the elfing was going to come out! One day when it was about time for the elfling to be born he went to see some healers.
"Yes," sais one healer, "this happens sometimes but it is very rare. I have only see a few other cases of ellons getting pregnent."
"What should I do?" asked Fingon, getting worried.
The healer made a tough face. "Well we can cut it out of your stomach or there is one other option."
"The other option please!" wailed Fingon. he hated surgery.
The healer went to an intricately carved shelving unit and pulled out a potion in a bottle covered in spider webs. It looked like it hadn't been used in ever. "You can drink this potion. It is magic potion from Valinor and it will turn you into an elleth so the elfing can be born easily."
"Hmm." said Fingon. That was a hard decision. Becoming an elleth would be weird, but it would also be the best thing for his elfling and make it much easier to breastfeed. "I guess I will have to do it!" he exclaimed.
He took the potion from the healer and took a sip. It tasted funny like cherries and ham. As soon as he drunk it he started to feel very dizzy. Immediately he ran to bed and fell asleep. All night he had very strange dreams about Maedhros, but tried not to think about him.
He woke up the next morning in a new body. It was the body of an elleth! Some of the healers had thoughtfully lain out a new gown and pretty slippers with jewels. He - no, she- got out of bed and got dressed for the first time as an elleth. It felt weird but also not bad and not as funny being pregnent.
"Ada!" she said when she saw Thingol at the morning meal. Thingol was very surprised to see he now had a daughter, but he had always wanted a daughter so he was only a bit surprised.
He said, "Now that you are an elleth you will need a new name. Only ellons are named Fingon."
"That's right," said Fingon. "What would a good name be?"
"I like Lúthien," said Thingol. "That is what I would have named a daughter if I had one."
"That is a pretty name," Fingon agreed. "From now on I will be called Lúthien!"
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Two weeks later Lúthien gave birth to a beautiful baby boy that she called Finwë after her great grandfather.
THE END!
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“Whatever,” Fingon said. “Now let’s go have sex.” Good one, Igbee!
