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Post by pandemonium on Mar 12, 2009 11:13:28 GMT -6
One of my LJ Droogs (hrymfaxe) provided a link to a fine example of purple prose which, in my opinion, could be handily applied to bad and/ or crack fic. The literature in question is a published work ( Silk and Steel by one Ron Miller -- temporarily out of stock on Amazon.com because it is that good). LJ-ite vandonovan was kind enough to share scans of this beauty on her journal: Very purple. The fact that the male protagonist is named "Spikenard" should be a tip off. Enjoy and be aware that one will need to wash one's synapses with undiluted bleach after reading this. Oh, and don't have anything in your mouth lest you Jackson Pollock your monitor. "Spikenard." ;D |
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Rhapsody
Pretty Good Sneech 
Bard of Silver Dreams
Posts: 161
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Post by Rhapsody on Mar 12, 2009 12:54:17 GMT -6
I read that the other day (NiRi also linked to it at her LJ) and I still can't read past the first two paragraphs. Brrrr
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Post by Darth Fingon on Mar 12, 2009 12:58:08 GMT -6
I saw that and said, 'What the hell?' aloud. That 'what the hell' still stands.
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Post by pandemonium on Mar 12, 2009 13:14:20 GMT -6
I think it's a work of art much like Mansquito |
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Post by Moreth on Mar 12, 2009 13:20:57 GMT -6
I think it's perfect of its kind...
I read a book last week I thought was bad, but winsome sorceresses just don't stand up to this (no matter how lithe their figures or flashing green their eyes)!
You know, I think there should be a competition for reading this aloud...
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Post by pandemonium on Mar 12, 2009 13:32:46 GMT -6
I think it's perfect of its kind... You know, I think there should be a competition for reading this aloud... Agreed and agreed. Emphatically! I suggest Kenneth Branagh as a contestant for the reading competition. Or Ian McKellan. |
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Post by oshun on Mar 12, 2009 14:55:46 GMT -6
I think it's perfect of its kind... You know, I think there should be a competition for reading this aloud... Agreed and agreed. Emphatically! I suggest Kenneth Branagh as a contestant for the reading competition. Or Ian McKellan. Oh, it hurt me to read it. At first I found myself feeling terribly smug about my so-called writing ability and then I got over myself fairly quickly, as Hrymfaxe noted in a reply to my comment to her, anybody we've ever known writes better than that! I think either Kenneth Branagh or Ian McKellan would do just fine as a reader, although I believe I'd vote for Ian McKellan. Think he is probably more wicked. |
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Post by Moreth on Mar 12, 2009 15:19:27 GMT -6
I think either Kenneth Branagh or Ian McKellan would do just fine as a reader, although I believe I'd vote for Ian McKellan. Think he is probably more wicked. You know - I'd pay good money to watch Andy Serkis read this! If anyone could carry it off... No! No! Washes eyes with bleach! |
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Post by oshun on Mar 12, 2009 15:22:24 GMT -6
I think either Kenneth Branagh or Ian McKellan would do just fine as a reader, although I believe I'd vote for Ian McKellan. Think he is probably more wicked. You know - I'd pay good money to watch Andy Serkis read this! If anyone could carry it off... No! No! Washes eyes with bleach! My neighbor is going to knock on my door to see if I am all right. He knows I am in here alone and the laughing so loud is going to worry him. |
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Post by elfscribe on Mar 12, 2009 16:46:14 GMT -6
Oh god that was funny. My favorite line was the one vandonovan supplied after the excerpt. "And then he rapes her.  " It looks like he was being paid by the word. LOL! How is it possible to amass that many bad metaphors and similes on two pages? |
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Post by robinka on Mar 13, 2009 3:13:35 GMT -6
The literature in question is a published work I wonder what kind of drugs the publisher was on when they decided to publish that book. |
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Rhapsody
Pretty Good Sneech
Bard of Silver Dreams
Posts: 161
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Post by Rhapsody on Mar 13, 2009 7:01:18 GMT -6
The literature in question is a published work I wonder what kind of drugs the publisher was on when they decided to publish that book. Drugs? I wonder if an editor saw this at all. Last night I thought, is it possible that this is a translation gone wrong? Oh and person who posted it also scanned four more pages, I think I need a drink first before I want to read that. Edit to add: I think Sean Connery would make a good reader as well ;D |
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