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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 10, 2008 21:16:38 GMT -6
Happy Birthday, Ohsun! Here's Maedhros and Fingon for you.
Maedhros couldn’t believe his luck, Fingon was here. He was saved!
“Help me!” he called weakly, but he needent have bothered for Fingon was already there.
The wings of the great Eagle beat so strong it caused Maedhros’ auburn hair to blow into his eyes and mouth.
“Phft” Maedros sputtered.
“Take it easy melon, I’m here.” Fingon said soothingly.
“Can you just get me out of here already?” Maedhros asked pathetically. “It’s cold and Morgoth is being mean to me.”
“That’s what I’m here for, my darling, my love,” Fingon said soothingly. “So why did he lock the balcony doors this time?”
“Because I didn’t bring the ice.”
“I haven’t been able to look at ice since you two left me on the helcaraxe.” Fingon pouted.
“I thought I loved him, but it’s always been you marathon,” Maedhros wheedled.
“You say that every time he has a party and gets mad at you,” Fingon said accusingly.
“Get me off this balcony and I’ll never speak to him again, I promise.” Maedhros said, batting his auburn eyelashes flirtingly.
“I plan to hold you to that.” Fingon said clingingly.
Maedros jumped on the Eagle and they flew off, making a silhouette against the full moon, their respective auburn and raven black locks whipping behind them in the late afternoon sun.
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Post by Darth Fingon on Apr 10, 2008 21:19:41 GMT -6
A heartwarming story of Twue Wuv for Oshun:
Melliándrëariellë was so scared of getting married even though her adopted father Elrond said she must do it to make a bond between Rivendell and Mirkwood, she was dreading this day ever since she turned sixteen and started to look like a woman and not the gawky girl she always was. All the Elves of Rivendell always made fun of her for the way she looked, she was so small, and they were all tall and perfect. They had silky straight hair and pointed ears, but Melli was human so she had very thick flame red curls that she could not brush even with the mithril comb Arwen gave her for her birthday. She looked so different from the all elves with a heart shaped face and big eyes that looked blue when she was sad, green when she was happy, and lavender when she was angry. And for two years now she had started to get way curvier and didn't fit into the style of dressed the Elves wore, she had to make her own clothes.
When Elrond told her she had to marry prince Legolas of Mirkwood she almost died of embarrassment! He was a tall and beautiful Elf prince and she was just Melli, short with a tiny frame and large breasts! She didn't have an Elven shape at all and she was mortified Legolas would see how ugly she was and refuse to marry her on their wedding day. Also she was only Elrond's adopted daughter, one he found one morning in a basket on his doorstep. She didn't know who her real parents even were except they were probably rangers.
For all the months leading up to the wedding Melli pleaded with Elrond to let her marry somebody more like her but he only told her that she would be very happy once she was married to Legolas. Every day the wedding got nearer and Melli started to panic. She lost a lot of weight because of the stress so that on her wedding day she was very slim and delicate and almost fainted walking down the stairs to the garden to get married. Then when she saw her husband she almost fainted again, he was so gorgeous!
Right then and there Melli knew she did want to marry him after all, it was love at first sight. All the other elf girls looked so jealous but she was the one in the white wedding dress walking down the aisle to the most handsome prince in the world! He smiled at her and took her hands and then Elrond started the ceremony that would make them bonded for life. Once it was done and both of them said "I do" Legolas bent over to give Melli a kiss on her lips. It was the most perfect moment of her life, and everyone applauded and started singing, even the jealous girls, the ones who had called Melli ugly and made fun of her large breasts.
Later on when they were alone Legolas told Melli how beautiful he thought she was, not like all the tall skinny flat chested Elf girls who had thin hair and small eyes. Melli was a true beauty, and anyone who said she wasn't was just jealous. Then they made love all night on an animal skin rug by the fireplace until Melli fell asleep in Legolas's arms and knew she had made the right choice to marry him. They were truly in love and lived happily ever after with five children.
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Post by Darth Fingon on Apr 10, 2008 21:22:08 GMT -6
Maedros jumped on the Eagle and they flew off, making a silhouette against the full moon, their respective auburn and raven black locks whipping behind them in the late afternoon sun. A+!!! This is awesome. Fingon said soothingly... Heh.
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Post by oshun on Apr 10, 2008 21:34:14 GMT -6
Happy Birthday, Ohsun! Here's Maedhros and Fingon for you. You wicked, wicked man. You got everything all mixed up (and you probably did it to annoy me too--passive aggressive I think it's called). Maedhros would never mess around with HIM. Everyone knows that Fingon and Maedhros are one true canon couple forever and would never be unfaithful no matter what. Also, what did you mean marathon? Are you making fun of my Elvish or using those bad web sites again? Oh, I'm probably just being paranoid and hypersensitive. I should just say thank you very much and leave it at that. I do really like the part about their auburn and raven locks (very Tolkienesque kind of reminds of a scene in RotK). Really, I'm sorry. It is totally almost completely beautiful except for a few tiny details which it would be rude to mention (and ungrateful). P.S. Where's the smut?
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 10, 2008 21:34:44 GMT -6
OMG! Darth, that's the bestest story ever. I shall identify with the dumpy, curly haired, big breasted Meli and imagine Legolas is my handsome prince. You have made my dreams come true. ;D
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 10, 2008 21:40:07 GMT -6
Maybe a little of both. EDIT: Maedros jumped on the Eagle and they flew off, making a silhouette against the full moon, their respective auburn and raven black locks whipping behind them in the late afternoon sun, having sex with each other all along the way. *bows*
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Post by oshun on Apr 10, 2008 21:49:44 GMT -6
A heartwarming story of Twue Wuv for Oshun: Oh, this is so really awesome. I love the name Melliándrëariellë. I wish I knew all those languages like you do. It is just the absolute most perfect choice for my birthday, my first ever fanfic was a Legomance. I also love flame red curls -- I use that really a lot myself since I write about Maedhros I have to. I also love the detail of "the mithril comb Arwen gave her for her birthday." It's little details like that which really make a story good. I can tell that you didn't try to make fun of me, like that IgnobleBard did in the one he wrote. The heroine even reminds me of myself "short with a tiny frame and large breasts!" I am short with a tiny frame and small breasts, but a rather large behind. I know just how she felt. I'd probably almost faint also if ever I saw Legolas too. And you did include smut: an "animal skin rug by the fireplace" and making love all night really worked for me. Thank you so much. (Five children is sort of a lot, but that's a very small point in a really wonderful story.) Thank you again so very much.
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Post by oshun on Apr 10, 2008 21:52:25 GMT -6
EDIT: Maedros jumped on the Eagle and they flew off, making a silhouette against the full moon, their respective auburn and raven black locks whipping behind them in the late afternoon sun, having sex with each other all along the way. *bows* OK. That really does make the story a lot better. Thank you.
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Post by lenine on Apr 10, 2008 22:51:00 GMT -6
eyes that looked blue when she was sad, green when she was happy, and lavender when she was angry
Wow, Melliándrëariellë has quite a few pairs of colored contact lenses. She must go through a lot of saline on her "emotional turmoil" days.
Elrond's adopted daughter
Ha!
PS - happy birthday, Oshun!
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Post by oshun on Apr 10, 2008 22:53:48 GMT -6
eyes that looked blue when she was sad, green when she was happy, and lavender when she was angryWow, Melliándrëariellë has quite a few pairs of colored contact lenses. She must go through a lot of saline on her "emotional turmoil" days. Elrond's adopted daughterHa! PS - happy birthday, Oshun! Hey, thanks, Lenine. It was wonderful to get TWO stories like this.
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Post by pandemonium on Apr 11, 2008 7:11:27 GMT -6
Author's notes - because I must write such drivel and explain myself ad nauseum. Although not in the genre of badfic to which Darth and IgBard have succumbed, the following is nonetheless pretty bad. Happy (belated) Birthday, oshun!
“Read this, Maitimo: ‘superlative; incomparable...’” Findekáno the Valiant sighed. “By Eru’s Fiery Flatulence, I love that woman.”
His companion cocked an exquisitely arched russet auburn flame-red eyebrow at him.
“Really now, Maitimo, you know what I mean.”
“Of course I do. I love her, too. But I wish she’d take us back to the East Village again. That was damned entertaining. So was that minx of a kid she brought along.”
“Oh, yes, that was good fun! And I got this bitchin’ laptop out of the deal.” Findekáno caressed the silver Powerbook that perched on his powerful Noldorin thighs, muscles rippling beneath tight leggings.
“You and your Mac obsession. You know, that’s already obsolete,” Maitimo huffed, preferring PC’s himself even though all agreed that Bill Gates far surpassed Morgoth as Evil Incarnate. “Well, it’s her birthday or I should say was. Yesterday, I think. We should do something for her.”
“Like what? It’s near impossible to surpass what those two fellows gave to her. See? This one was written by that fellow who once dubbed Morgoth an ‘asshat.’” Findekáno snorted. “And look…flirtingly. Flirtingly.” Findekáno’s chuckle expanded into an outright guffaw.
Maitimo rolled his eyes. “You’re easily amused. Now this…this l like. Melliándrëariellë. Brilliant. But I would expect nothing less from the scribe who came up with the Fëanorian turnip.” Now it was Maitimo’s turn to burst into raucous laughter. “Ai! Morgoth’s hairy ones! Father must be spinning in his…huh. Well, not his grave. Maybe in his cubicle in Námo’s office suite of Awaiting. On an Aeron.”
Both men exploded in laughter again.
“I have an idea for a gift,” Findekáno said, pushing chortle-ravished raven locks back from his classically rounded forehead.
“What’s that?” Maitimo wiped residual tears of laughter off cheekbones that could slice a piece of paper.
“Inspiration. And some musery to get her creative juices flowing.”
“Musery? What manner of word is that?”
“Hey, I’m not the one who is writing this ghastly dialog. Yes, we need to be good muses so she can finish up that epilogue and move on to – ta da! The story about my heir!”
“Oh, yes! That’s the one with a threesome with the charming healer, right?”
“Indeed, that’s the one. Between our musery and our creator taking in the statues of all those naked – if poorly endowed (what is it with those Greek sculptors anyway?) - men at the museum tomorrow with those two ‘escaped’…” and here Findekáno gestured with exaggerated signs of quotation marks from a popular film much adored by Morgoth, who held that Dr. Evil was a riot, then forcing the Abhorred to morph into a bald monstrosity of a cat whom he called Mr. Bigglesworth…”thralls of Bauglir, she ought to find inspiration for the epilogue and ‘Fingon’s heir.’”
“Ah! Sounds like a plan. Right then.” Maitimo ran his hand up Findekáno’s thigh. “Let’s make our own musery to get her started.”
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Post by oshun on Apr 11, 2008 9:24:11 GMT -6
Thank you so much. I would have been really disappointed if you had written me a badfic without Author's Notes. I have to admit that I was a little taken aback that Findekano likes Mac computers, but I'll get over it. Of course, the one that they shared in my story was a PC. I have to presume that Maitimo bought the Mac for him after Findekano and the old lady cracked his password and read his story. I never liked people messing with my computer here. When my house was full of people, there were two computers, mine and the one for everyone else.
I really appreciated the vision of Feanor spinning on an Aeron in "his cubicle in Námo’s office suite of Awaiting." I am absolutely confident that, despite their differences, Namo would have granted him the respect of an ergonomic chair.
I also really liked that Maitimo tells Findekano he is "easily amused." Fits my own characterization to a T.
I may have to let the little minx read this one. Not sure. I think she is probably hoping that the story of mine it references, since I had not finished after such a long time, had died a natural death. (She was wrong, of course, I already know the ending.) Oh, the things we do to our children are unspeakable.
And the end of story is perfect--smut reminiscent of Mary Renault--the classic fade-to-black.
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