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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 11, 2008 16:35:47 GMT -6
Now I ask you, what does this have to do with computing? I guarantee you if Gates ever takes off those glasses we'll see they're the same person. It's just like Superman in reverse. I took my mom to the doctor yesterday and I'm sure I found this place. This is wickedly funny, and should give a certain birthday girl a much needed kick in the pants on that epilogue thing.  |
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Post by pandemonium on Apr 11, 2008 17:15:45 GMT -6
This is wickedly funny, and should give a certain birthday girl a much needed kick in the pants on that epilogue thing. Thanks! Who can say 'no' to these guys, after all? |
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Post by oshun on Apr 11, 2008 17:23:31 GMT -6
This is wickedly funny, and should give a certain birthday girl a much needed kick in the pants on that epilogue thing. Thanks! Who can say 'no' to these guys, after all? I will finish it. I'm wondering if I should ask if I can borrow "cheekbones that could slice a piece of paper"? Don't you think it rather sounds like me? |
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 11, 2008 17:35:39 GMT -6
Get a load of her, Pandemonium. Why don't you just write that epilogue for her? lol
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Post by oshun on Apr 11, 2008 17:38:06 GMT -6
That's tempting, but NO! I do want to do it. Really I do.
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 16, 2008 19:05:12 GMT -6
Sure it's a day early but I had a minute tonight so Happy Birthday, Darth! You share a birthday with a very special person. My great nephew who turns two tomorrow.  Fingon, Glorfindel, and the Unicorn *inspired by Oshun* The Valar had a carnival to show their appreciation for all the Elves who refused to live in Middle Earth and of course Fingon and Glorfindel went. They got red balloons from Manwe, lollipops from Varda, and cotton candy from Neinna, though they had to snatch it quick for her tears tended to melt it. They were walking home after, hand in hand, red balloons tied to their wrists, happy smiles on their faces, when Glorfindel said, “Ooh, look over there!” Fingon looked and there, frolicking through the trees just ahead, was a unicorn. “But how can there be a unicorn, those aren’t real.” Said Fingon. “Aman has every form of beast, bird, plant, animal, fish, insect, tree, snail, and fluke,” Glorfindel said. “And that includes unicorns in anyone’s book.” “Let’s go talk to it,” said Fingon, excited. “Okay.” They walked over and the unicorn came right up to Glorfindel and nuzzled his hand. “Would you like a balloon?” Glorfindel asked. “Neigh” said the unicorn. “Be that way then.” Said Glorfindel “I think he was saying yes,” Fingon said helpfully. The unicorn nodded and Glorfindel tied the balloon to the unicorn’s horn. He jumped and capered around in joy but that just caused the balloon to pop on the tip of his horn. Startled, he bolted into the woods, trailing the balloon bits and string behind him. “Stupid!” Fingon said. “We might have gotten him to come home with us and live in our garden if you hadn’t scared him off.” “That never would have worked, only a virgin can catch a unicorn,” Glorfindel said wistfully. “In that case, let’s go home and have sex,” said Fingon. They stopped off at an olive grove on the way to get some oil and then proceeded to do just that. |
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Post by oshun on Apr 16, 2008 21:24:02 GMT -6
inspired by Oshun
I feel like I ought to defend myself but I won't even bother since I have my own badfic to write.
Favorites parts: recyling the virgin and the Unicorn concept and stopping off at the olive grove--a great improvement over the standard vial of oil.
Changed my mind: I think I will spill (because the details also explain why I get so little writing done).
IgnobleBard [8:49 PM]: I think I'm going to ask for a unicorn this time. I keep reading that in the rules. lol
Heartofoshun [8:50 PM]: Oh, no. there are no unicorns in canon.
IgnobleBard [8:50 PM]: It says...
IgnobleBard [8:50 PM]: Tolkien characters that manifest as cognizant beings such as centaurs, unicorns, wolves, faeries, etc. are therefore acceptable.
IgnobleBard [8:51 PM]: So there.
IgnobleBard [8:51 PM]: Fairies. I'm gonna ask for a fairy this is too good to pass up. lol
Heartofoshun [8:51 PM]: Then I'll ask for an angsty BDSM with a red balloon and lollipops (that ought to get me [name excerpted])!
IgnobleBard [8:51 PM]: Or me. lol
IgnobleBard [8:51 PM]: Red balloon. ROFL
IgnobleBard [8:52 PM]: You and your red balloon.
IgnobleBard [8:52 PM]: Just thinking about that cracks me up.
Heartofoshun [8:52 PM]: I love red balloons
IgnobleBard [8:52 PM]: I like yellow ones.
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 16, 2008 21:33:20 GMT -6
Maybe I should claify, the balloons were your idea. lol
Where do you think they get what they put in the vials? lol
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Post by oshun on Apr 16, 2008 21:38:23 GMT -6
Maybe I should claify, the balloons were your idea. lol Where do you think they get what they put in the vials? lol Thank you, but we cross-posted here. I already noted how it came about above (don't sue me!). |
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Post by oshun on Apr 16, 2008 22:21:13 GMT -6
Happy birthday, Darth. Sorry, I tried to make it smutty but Erestor was too shy.
A Real Happy Birthday
Poor Erestor, frail and small, didn’t know who is father was. He was, however, a very important conselor to Erlond. Many people thought he was snotty and arrogant, really he was only just shy. Tomorrow was his birthdaty and he didn’t think that anyone would even know it.
Ever since he came to Rivendale he had his eye on the most popular elf their. It was the beautiful golden warrior Glorfindel. But Glorfindel never even looked at him. When he ca,me into work that morning he felt like Erlond was looking at him funny. Erestor hardly ever ate anything. He was so very busy trying to fix up all the dusty tooms in the best library in middle-earth. He worked harder than any other of the elfs in Riverdale. Glorfindel was in charge of all the warriors there but he never seemed to be working, but always flirting with everyone and making all the ellons and elleths laugh all of the time. The list of his bed partners was really very long. Erestor had always liked books ever since he was an elfling. In between carring for the pigs that belonged to his foster family, he always carried an ancient tomb so he could read while he watched them. The best thing that ever happened to him was when he was invited to come to Rivendel and work in the library there.
Erlond came up to Erestor that day and said, “I think you should leave early this day, because I know it is your birthday.” Erestor was amazed at that because he hadn’t thought that anyone knew it was his birthday. Erlond told him that their would be a party tonight in the Hall of Fires and everyone would be there. Erestor got really nervous because he never went to the parties there. He was truly very shy and retired and didn’t think that anyone really liked or ever noticed him anyway. But if it was his birthday then he surely couldn’t not go. It would be really hard to decide what he should wear because he always only wore these long, black gowns which hid his delicate but very lovely figure. If it was going to a party in the Hall of Fires and going to be for his birthday then he really ought to think about wearing something different, perhaps something that wasn’t black.
When he got back to his room he found a big white box tied up with a large red ribbon. A note on the box said “open me.” He opened the box and inside he found a lovely red tunic and a pair of very tight black leggings. There was another note that said: Wear these for your party. Because I think you are beautiful and I want to see you in tight clothes.” Your secret admirer.
Erestor was so nervous that he could barely take a bath, but he decided that he really should because he worked in such a dusty place in the library with all of those old books and it was a very special birthday for him. The whole time he was getting ready he could stop thinking about the wonderful surprise of the birthday box and was also very nervous about putting on those really tight leggings, because he liked to hide his lovely, willowy, small body underneath of all those long black robes so that no one would notice him or look at him because he was truly too shy for anyone to notice and then he would have to talk to them and he didn’t really like to talk because he was so shy. That was why he liked to work in the library with the books.
Finally he entered the Hall of Fires and everyone, ellon and elleth stood up together and yelled Happy Birthday! He felt two tiny tears rolling down his small eartherial face. I almost borke his heart to think that all of the elfs of Rivendel had really liked him all those years and probably didn’t even care that he had no mother or father because in Erlong’s kingdom every elf and man was welcome and no one was prejudiced against anyone else because they were not important elves. But Erestor chocked down his tears and said in a voice that was stronger than he had ever imagined it could be: “Thank you everyone.” Just at that moment Glorfidnel entered the room laughing and talking with a whole group of warriors and other elves following along behind him trying to get his attention. Erestor sighed profoundly and wondered who would be Glofindel’s partner tonight. He would never tell anyone how much he thought about him. But he came up to Erestor and said. “You look so lovely in those clothes that I gave you Liraemer.”
“You gave me the white box with red ribbon Erestor stuttered in amazement.
“Of course I did. I have been trying to get your attention for nearly one thousand years but you are always to busy.”
“Tjis is the best birthday ever,” Erestor said to Glorfindel and Glorfindel kissed him in front of every elf in Riverdell, not ashamed at all.
//This is the best birthday ever// Erestor thought.
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Post by Darth Fingon on Apr 16, 2008 22:44:24 GMT -6
“That never would have worked, only a virgin can catch a unicorn,” Glorfindel said wistfully. This story made me laugh out loud in a few places, but I think this one was my favourite line. Poor wistful devirginified Glorfindel. Luckily he has Fingon there to cheer him up with olive products. Thank you, Mike. This was absolutely horrible, in a truly excellent way. |
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 16, 2008 22:45:11 GMT -6
This is wonderful(ly bad). I don't think you missed a single cliche. lol Although now you've given me a plot bunny for an Archie/LOTR fic.
I especially liked "I've been trying to get your attention for 1000 years but you're always too busy."
Priceless *wipes tear*
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