All right, Darth -- only for you. I'm posting this before I sober up.
Marrying Up
When Gimli died and went to drink Dwarfen ale with his ancestors in the Halls, Legloas cried many tears from his sapphire eyes, and he had a very sad funeral near the forges of Aule where many Elfin tears were cried also by the ellons and elleths, and Gandalf was there.
The blonde Mirkwood archer missed his friend that he had almost died by the side of very much, and after a really long time, almost three weeks, he decided immortal life was not worth living eternally no matter how blessed the Realm of Valonor was. He tried sailing back to Middle Earth, but the way was shut and he got seasick and came back. He decided he wanted to die too and go be with the rest of the Fellowship, even Boromir who could be annoying.
Legalos was about to jump off a cliff when Glorfindel stoped him and said it wouldn't work, they'd just send him to Mandos and then back out again. Leggolas listened to the Balrog Slayer, bcause he would know. So he asked Glorfindel what he should do and Glorfindl said, "Buggered if I know," and Erestor said, "You most certainly will be."
Then they told Legloas to go take a walk.
So he decided to go to Taniquetil where Manwe, King of the Valars, lived with his wife, Mrs. Varda Sulimo and ask if he could grant him the Gift of Iluvatar because he had been to Mordor and saved everybody's
hacca. (This was the only Quenya word he had learned in a long-year in The Undying Lands and he thought it was very funny and used it at every opportunity.)
So he walked and he climbed and by the time he got there he was out of breath and really hoping he could go be with the mortals. He knocked on the door and a girl answered. Her raven tresses flowed down to her slender form and she smiled at the cerulean eyed Prince, her violet orbs twinkling.
"Who are you?" He breathed breathily.
"I am Ilmare, the handmaid of Manwe and Elbereth," she tinkled. "You are the handsomest ellon I have ever seen."
"And you are the most lovely Maiar I have ever lain eyes upon," he spake, struck betwixt heart and gut by her beauty.
Long seconds were measured by the wheeling stars above them before she spoke a word. "What do you want?" she said.
Suddenly, dying was the last thing on his mind. "Will you be my bride?"
And Lo! thus it was that Legolas Greenleaf became the second of all the Children of Iluvatar to be joined with one of the Ainur.
They had a lovely wedding in the circle of Mahaxanar, and everybody came although Thingol and Melian sent their regrets along with a set of coasters.
Ilmare wore a flowing white gown of silk encrusted with gems and Legloas wore Elven robes of surpassing richness as befitted a Prince of the Sindar. Manwe gave the bride away, and Yavanna provided the flowers. Este made the punch and a blushing Nienna caught the bouquet.
When they had plighted there troth, Leggolas carried his beloved to a flower-bedecked bower. "
Amin mela lle, meleth," he whispered as he gently thrust his hardness into her slick tightness and they made love all night long.
The lived happily ever after until one day when they were making love on their bareskin rug in front of there fireplace a loud knock came at the door. It was King Thandruil.
"I decided to sail after all. Can I sleep on your couch until I find a palace of my own?"
The End (or is it?)
