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Post by Darth Fingon on Mar 28, 2008 10:20:21 GMT -6
Write some hilarious badfic for the amusement of others!
Rules:
- Badfic must be written by you.
- Must be intentionally bad.
- Can be a new story or a badfic rendering of something you're writing/have written.
- Must be posted on Friday (any Friday, any timezone.)
- Post badfics as replies to this thread.
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Post by ignoblebard on Mar 28, 2008 15:18:18 GMT -6
Legolas was walking thru the forest when he met a man coming in the other direction. They stopped and looked at each other.
"You have the softest looking lips," the blond elf said awedly.
"And you are as fair as golden light shinnig on the sea," said the man, who looked like he might be a ranger from the scruffiness of his beard, which made him looked like one of those Miami Vice guys.
"I've always wanted to see the see," Legolas said longingly.
"Then come with me," said the man.
Legolas and the mane went to the beach and Legolas blushed as he put on his swim trunks. The man laughed and put on his swim trunks too. They splashed around in the water until it got dark. At one point a shark tried to bite them but Legolas talked to it so sweetly it hugged him with its flippers and left.
Legolas and the man waded out of the water and saw some elves and dwarfs having a clambake. They ate and laughed all night then made love on the beach as the tide rolled in and the moon shinned down on their glowing bodys.
In the morning Legolas said good bye and sailed to valinor but he always remembered the man and his fun day at the beach whenever he ate clams.
the end
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Post by Darth Fingon on Mar 28, 2008 15:27:45 GMT -6
I laughed out loud. Excellent, excellent work.
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Post by ignoblebard on Mar 28, 2008 15:35:38 GMT -6
It's always more fun to write when you're playing hooky from the stuff you're supposed to write.  |
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Post by oshun on Mar 29, 2008 21:11:44 GMT -6
That was so sweet. It nearly broke my heart. I haven't eaten a clam in a long, long time.
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Post by ignoblebard on Mar 29, 2008 21:27:35 GMT -6
Yea! You're back! *hugs* Aw, I wish I could send you some clam chowder. But you're closer to New England than I am.  |
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 19, 2008 0:18:58 GMT -6
Aragorn winced as the email alert popped up on his screen. Legolas again; he deleted it without reading.
Every since he had come to the Mirkwood School of Fine Art and Woodcraft on the Duneadine exchange program, that blond elf had been bugging him. If his father hadn't been headmaster Aragorn could have blown him off, but he couldn't afford to flunk out, his mother would kill him and make him go live with the Perrierdhel and then he'd have the twins to contend with again.
The next day Aragorn went to school, hiding out in the boys room until class time to avoid Legolas. He didn't see him first or second period but at lunch one of Legolas' friends, some dwarf, pressed a note into his hand as he was standing at his locker.
"Meet me at the tree at sundown. Urgent!" The note said.
'What tree? I'm in a forest!' Aragorn thought, kiking his locker in frustration.
He decided to get rid of Legolas once and for all and he took his bow with him. He found the tree easily enough, it was the one with the blond elf in front of it.
"Leave me alone, Legolas" he yelled, pulling out his bow. "I don't want to be friends with you."
He shot the arrow but Legolas sidestepped it and it missed.
"Jeepers, Aragorn. What got up your butt? I just wanted to ask you if you'd steal the answers to the test on Friday. My dad will kill me if I flunk."
"Is that all? I thought you were in love with me like every other elf." Aragorn said relieved.
"No, I hate your guts but your the smartest guy in school." Legolas said.
"Ok, I'll get you the answeres but then I want you to leave me alone."
"Fine." Legolas huffed. "Just do this one thing and I'll leave you alone."
Aragorn got caught sneaking into the teacher's office and was expelled. He ended up going to Uruk High and so didn't get into an ivy leage school. Years later he was elected king anyway and married Arwen who he met when he worked as a busboy at her senior prom.
Legolas ended up marrying the dwarf, who turned out to be a girl and they had five medium sized and two short children.
No one knows what became of the tree.
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Post by oshun on Apr 19, 2008 1:24:25 GMT -6
This is a great story. Thank you for posting it.
I really love the part where that punk Aragorn got expelled and sent to Uruk High. (I spent what seemed like half my life trying to find better schools than Uruk High for my kids! Not that it did them a lot of good in the end.)
I love the fact that Legolas married the dwarf and it is really cool that he got to have kids without it being one of those Mpreg stories. Neat work.
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Post by lethe on Apr 19, 2008 2:21:42 GMT -6
That sounded so Terry Pratchett somehow ;D. Again in Pratchett for a dwarf to actually determine the sex of another dwarf is a very delicate business which may take a long time, so Gimli being female - lol. Love it. Great to read on a wet Saturday morning.
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Post by lenine on Apr 19, 2008 6:04:41 GMT -6
Jeepers, Aragorn. What got up your butt?
Wow, this is so Tolkienesque I thought for a minute you had stolen it right from the books!
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Post by SianLethe on Apr 19, 2008 6:15:47 GMT -6
It's standard Sue language too. I remember one recently where the girl asked some-one like Legolas; " What crawled up your ass and died? "
Such moving vocabulary and politeness. Always kicks off my IBS.
;D Lol. Bottlers of a famous mineral water, I assume?
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Post by ignoblebard on Apr 19, 2008 10:04:39 GMT -6
And someday soon you'll be doing the same for baby Fingon.  Especially when they have a note excusing them from dressing out for gym. ;D Straight from the sparkling waters of the Bruinen. (horse heads not included) Oh, I did steal it from the books. Whenever the characters are speaking "Elvish" this is the kind of thing they are really saying. |
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